Eyes wide open - viral awareness (Part 1)

[Joris]

I am not HIV positive, but HCV positive, and I now fully realize the incredible pressures society puts on you when you become labelled by a life threatening virus infection. I feel like a Jew in Nazi Germany in 1944. What has been bothering me a lot is that before I knew I had this, I never focused on people who were HIV infected, and in fact turned away as though I didn't have time for all that suffering... God, how appropriate for me now to carry a similar cross.

People of the world listen! It may soon be you who is burdened by a similar cross, one which threatens your very existence. First came AIDS, then HCV, what next? Life is so frail and easily quashed, and to live your life in ignorance to the suffering of your brothers and sisters is not at all pleasing to God. Wake up and see the horror that surrounds you. People are dropping out of sight right and left and you can't just turn away and watch a sitcom or the Simpsons and expect it to never have an effect on you.

There are many who think HIV is God's way of thinning out homosexuality in the world. Truth is that there are so many ways to contract HIV and HCV and any number of other life altering diseases that it couldn't be God's plan for us. His plan doesn't include intense suffering and rotting away, but healing and prosperity and love. In His eyes we are all brothers and sisters, and should love each other unconditionally, without prejudice or malevolence. I believe He wants to see compassion in our souls, and in the way we treat our fellow man (and woman).

Even if a person has homosexual preferences we shouldn't feel and hatred or spite toward them. Being a heterosexual man, I feel sorry that they have that desire in them because it must be very difficult and awkward to live in such a harsh society with those kind of preferences. I personally have no opinion of what they should do with what they are pursuing in their sexual lives, but I pursue my own agenda and live comfortably in this mixed societal blend of sexual varieties knowing that I am quite safe and won't be jumped in the dark and raped or some horrible thing by those who are of the gay community.

There are many people who contract HIV and HCV from blood transfusions or sharing intravenous drugs, among the many modes of infection. I contracted HCV from the pneumatic immunization guns they used on us in Basic Training back in 1973-74 (or this is what I believe was the culprit). I imagine one could get HIV the same way. I've noticed that we are living in such an imperfect society, and all the while the government and television and people in general just seem so oblivious to the dangers that surround us every day. I mean, there are so many ways to die, and just the diseases along are everywhere, many of which can be contracted by touch, by breathing air, by a cut, by eating something or drinking water, by shaking a hand, and so many other simple methods it's a miracle that we just now are finding we have something! I wonder how I made it this far!

Tuberculosis is so easy to catch, just picking up a newspaper or magazine in a laundromat or doctors office could be the start of a tremendous threat on your life. Touching a doorknob leaving a restroom could be the beginning of the end. Yet we all just keep on truckin', like nobody's thinking and nobody cares. America the beautiful. So naive. It'll never happen to me. September 11.

(Continued in next post - see Part 2)

[Joris]

When I was 18 years old I went to my girlfriends house after school, and being thirsty from the hot Florida sun, I opened the 'fridge and found a half full Coke and drank it down. I caught Hepatitis from my girlfriends brother that way... not Hep C, but the other kind (not certain which, A or B), and had a long time away from school recuperating, and could never give blood for the remainer of my life. That was the biggest disappointment to me.

When I found out I had Hep C (January 2001) I thought I could tell my boss and they would be compassionate and allow me some time away from work, or maybe work from home and e-mail CAD drawings to work. Two days later I was told I would be terminated from my position there, and had two weeks to find another job elsewhere. Funny, I had just been hired permanently and heartily patted on the back for being one of the best they had. Odd how the news of a virus can alter your life in so many ways. Now I'm on the threshold of losing my house which my son and I have lived in for over 11 years.

I have a tremendous faith in God and in his promises. I have faith in my own will and in my desire to live, and although the doctor says the virus has returned and I am a non-responder to treatment, I know I'll live on. I will myself to continue, and no cold, uncaring doctor can smile and give me bleak news and expect me to accept his word over my own faith in healing. I have things to do and places to go to, and I'll get through all the hurdles in good time.

I encourage you all to be tough in your battle, do every possible thing that makes sense healthwise, drink a lot of good, clean water, take Milk Thistle (for your liver), eat a lot of veggies and fruit, eat organic if possible, and avoid all the obvious bad things. Mild exercise each day and read the bible, build your faith. Pray and confess, it's very good for your inner peace. Keep a positive attitude, laugh as much as possible, and sing a song while you're walking around the house. Focus on every little beautiful thing that God has given us.

In this fast paced world we miss so many of the gentle and blessed things each day because we're rushing here and there, only to wind up in the recliner watching TV with too much violence and sex and extreme attitudes. Go for the peace, be calm in your thoughts, and feel the wind and sun on your face. Listen to the children play and the birds sing. Watch the breezes blow through the branches, and the ripples on the water carry a twig along. Be a part of life in the placid level, by just observing all that is good.

And get in here and make friends with us, and with one another. Come on over to the Hep C message boards if you like, we don't bite. We can relate to you, and realize how similar our dilemma is. Be at peace with your life now and smile each day, knowing that God is there for you right where you are. And we are here when you need us.

God bless all the brothers and sisters who suffer together in this struggle. Bring us a cure, Lord, and please don't hesitate.

Joris in Florida  

[Laurie]

Joris.....
Beautifully written ! Thank you my friend  
Laurie.....

[Bill Cooper]

Hey Joris.  Your over here Man.  Something about your post brings me peace.  I had that screen saver installed once, the one with the water and the birds.  It brought no relaxation at all so I did the uninstall on it.  However, your post does bring inner peace to me because it speaks of prayer and gives me initiative to think positive.  But probably most importantly, I don't have to hide this thing (HIV/HCV) I have.  They don't know about it at work and as mentioned to you earlier I discovered my infection during a life insurance application.  At this new job, I had to fill another one out and the broker gave me a curious look when I asked if it involved a physical (blood draw).  There is a guy here at work that mentioned to me and I can't recall exactly how we got on the subject, but he said the Military invented HIV to get rid of the weak. I guess that would be Darwin's theory.  Not knowing who I got this disease from in addition to alcohol and drug abuse is a struggle enough.  It's good to find a place where focus on the present is the medicine of the day.  I hope thru my faith coupled with a better lifestyle is the only medicine I need.  Barring any military intervention (HA! HA!).

Thanks for being here.  

Bill

[l4m0r]

Gaining knowledge and practicing wisdom seems to be the only way to be a part of winning these struggles of life.  In my experience, apathy threatens to exterminate us.

[jelani]

Thanks for sharing.  I believe what you have prescribed as a course of action works.  I have been HIV+ SINCE 84.  
We have created a "Survival Kit" for those who wish to "Participate in their Own Survival".  We may want you to contribute your story and we can soon get you a kit.  The core of the kit is the 12-step program of HIV Anonymous.  I suggest going through the steps of this program for us all.

Please continue to carry the message so we can break down the walls of ignorance.
Jelani

[Maya]

I have been HIV+ (diagnosed) since 1983/4, and believe I contracted HIV 3 years prior.  

Through 12 step fellowships I survived the early denial, anger and despair - and fought to bring the issue to the floor in the fellowship(s) when HIV status was viewed as "an outside issue".  

Am glad to see that this site is here, and this new fellowship is here and plan to reccomend it to others who need support from those who can truly empathize.

Working the steps has been the cornerstone of my recovery from addictions, and working those same steps has freed me from the early nightmares and uncertainies about HIV/AIDS.

Many years ago, in the early days of GRID ignorance,  I was told I had six months to live.  I learned in recovery that doctors are not God - and only my Higher Power knows when I will exit this plane of existance.  One day at a time my life has evolved in directions I never could have imagined during those early days of depression and despair.

I went back to school, got a series of degrees, became involved in AIDS work, founded support groups, got married, moved to live on a farm in the county, revived my interest in the arts and gardening and continue to grow spiritually, each day.  

I am in my later 50's now - and life is good.  Though it has it's ups and downs - I manage to stay on an even keel - because I have the steps to guide me.

HIV/AIDS doesn't run my life - nor has it ruined my life.
The love and care and support I have encountered over the years has been a blessing, and I have been enriched through the experience.  

Those folks who through their ignorance don't understand or want to understand are not part of my circle.  I will continue my education efforts to combat ignorance - but will not allow the ignorance of others to have an effect on my serenity.

Because I have truly found serenity.  I thank my higher Power, as I understand Her, and I thank all of the countless persons who are struggling to live with this disease and others who have died - who showed me the way to live.

For those of you who are newly diagnosed, and still trapped in the "DAD's" (Denial, Anger and Depression) there is a way out - to Acceptance and finally Serenity.

But it involves work - so as I was told a long time ago "Take the Steps - the elevator to Serenity is broken".

Reach out, share your fears, get support, accept hugs, talk about what you are going through, and don't give up hope.  You are not alone.

Hugs,

Maya