I know but he doesn't

[helpme]

Hi Pancha villa,

In addition to the many other things I am taking I am taking vitamins and minerals, herbs, you name it, trying to build myself up.  I am also on Paxil, elavil, and a new one  the doctor gave my samples I can't remember  the name he told me to take for three weeks and if when I come back I feel that it has helped he will give me a prescription for them.

My son has a sitting room in his bedroom that he has turned into a mini-gym so he has a speed bag a punching bag, weights etc so I go in there and do exactly what you do let off the frustration.  Plus 3 nights a week I go to the health club with my daughter it was a ritual with me until august but I've gotten back into the routine the last two weeks and I feel better.

I can sympathize with you on the wait for va or anything that is associated with the government. My brother is a vietnam veteran with many issues and I tried for 5 years to get him help and finally he's been determined that he is 80% disabled.  It took me from June 2000 to Jan. 2005 to get my disability and then they wouldn't give me the whole thing they said I needed to work 6 more months. I had worked continually from 1966 to 2000 only stopping for maternity leave but they said I didn't qualify because I didn't work the last six months of 99.  I am sure there are many more horror stories with va and ss.
The good news is that once she gets the operation she will feel so much better.  I was able to do things that I hadn't been able to do for years.  The thing I remember most was that the constant headaches were gone that was enough in itself.
I am usually on the computer in the early morning as well when I can't sleep.  plus  its less distractions because everyone else is asleep.  However my knowledge of the computer is limited my daughter says she doesn't know how I was able to fool my clients for so long when I was working. I will figure how to get my email address to you or I will ask my daughter how to im? it to you.

[helpme]

I forgot to address the issue of you daughter and her apartment perhaps the doctor can give her a letter stating that she needs to be with someone at all times. she can ask a pro-bono attorney.  I believe that health issues are a basis for teminating a lease.  I had to terminate one in las vegas and they said there were three, purchase of a new home, job transfer and health. but check first with the attorney.

[pancha_villa]

Good morning , help me,
      It sounds like you are doing the right things,
You know you are taking alot of anti-depressents,another source of loosing hair. Iv been on both meds as well but never at the same time,I take antianxiety pills now,xanax0.25,twice a day,They help me out alot,but i got to be careful because they can be very addictive if not taken properly.How is your son doing { his tooth}? I hope he finds the light that will shine,everlasting love on him,and i wish him inner peace,.WE was up her fathers house last night,{hes a jerk}trying to get help on the lease being so that is what he does for a living.To say the least,my daughter left there throwing up,he was so mean to me ,I dont get it ,He has never helped us out and this man is almost 60 years old,I dont think he will ever grow up ,he is a major alcoholic,its like dealing with a mad person,.I feel bad, for my daughter,She dosent need this right now..ok im, babbling on again,
My daughter is getting worse, in the headache and dizziness department,she cant sleep ,she gets in mood swings,which is understandable,.her vision is really bad,she lactates alot and hair is growing in places,that is freaking her out.And she works through it all, she is amazing,. she blows me away everyday,. ok i got to go take my nerve medicine, and i know she dosent come to this hiv site,that is why i blew off steam about her father.And now i can let it go.thank you for listening .
Im sorry, im a little emotional today,
pancha villa

[helpme]

droHI pancha,

Sorry your daughter is experiecing added stress to an already stressful situiation.  I learned from my experiece with the tumor that stress makes everything else worse it produces more coritsol to overcome the stress and the tumor grows, so its important that she stays aways from any known stress producers (father).  As far as the lactation is concerned my son was 8 years old and I was still lactating from nursing him which made me very concerned. I went to an endocrinologist  who did a series of  test.  I also had the hair growing I shaved every day Although I had no problems with vision my optic nerve was stretched so much they were amazed that there was no vision damage. I had gained weight across my back that looked like  a buffalo hump I looked like I was nine months pregnant my cheeks looked like I had apples inside my mouth.  However within maybe one month most of this distortion was gone I went on a diet and lost 80 pounds.  I immediately started feeling better after about 2 weeks of the surgery. I've met many people at the neurologist office that did the surgery that had the same problem and most say the same thing, that once the surgery was over so was the problems.  I'm praying that this will soon be over for your daughter and she can go on with her life. But know this that while she has this condition she will experience all types of strange sensations and feel totally out of sorts. I'm saying  all of this to get you to help her see the need to relax as much as possible when she can.

[pancha_villa]

Dear helpme,
      It couldnt of came at a better time,thank you, We finally tracked her doc down she is only available on tuesday,She has a appt tom after work,Hopefully they will help eleviate her symtoms,at least give her something to make her comfortable.Thats a good idea, tomarrow i will ask about a support group,or something.She did take the cortisol test,but havent heared the results,yet,Im glad you told me about that she needs less stress, i know this,but we just needed some kind of support from somebody here,sometimes things just never work out,I have no family ,except my other daughter and she is not helping out at all,she sides with my ex's side,and that family is all about drugs,dealing speed and beating up people, they even praised her when she hits me.so it is very difficult, for us, right now,if i didnt have this pc, i would of already ended up in trouble,.And if the boared at hcv didnt give me alot of slack,I wouldnt have them ,either.So I'AM very thankful to you and this boared.
My spelling is no good ,so bare with me.I appreciate your kind words and you sharing your experience with me It does make a differance :)Thank you for consoling me even tho you have your hands full.take care ,
    pancha villa

[pancha_villa]

hi help me,
   I will be sending you a message either today or tomorrow,im sorry for the delay, i hope your friend is ok, take care ,pancha villa

[helpme]

I was waiting to write hoping that I could say that my son had taken the test however  he has not.  Only positive thing is that he has seemed to calm down some and is not as confrontational.  I've stopped saying anything to him especially about his health.  He's staying out all night and sleeping about two hours every day so he looks a hot mess.  He tries to do nothing with his appearance so I think he's just given up.

[pancha_villa]

Hi help me, how are you today? and how is your son doing today, thinking of you two and your friend , MERRY CHRISTMAS HELP ME,pancha villa

[pancha_villa]

Hi help me ,  we must of wrote these at the same time,Im sorry , about your son,not taking the test,Im sorry, ihave alot on my mind,so if i asked you this question before, please excuse me, Does your son go to counsiling?Being so he is a adult ,that really leaves you in the dark and it gives you no peace at all,. try to hang in there ,and his appearance can be related to stress or other self medicating issues,. Or just another way of dealing with what is going on, if it succeeds, more then two weeks,he will need to talk to someone.I have another question to ask , but i dont want to do it here, so i will e mail you ,tomarrow during the day,Hang in There GIRL, I will pray for peace to come into both of your hearts,and i will ask, that he HURRIES. MUCH LOVE AND RESPECT, TAKE CARE AND GET SLEEP AND KEEP UP YOUR EVERYDAY RITUALS, PANCHA VILLA

[Willy50]

 I've stopped saying anything to him especially about his health.  He's staying out all night and sleeping about two hours every day so he looks a hot mess.

To use the example of what we are to do when people are "using" or put another way "in their disease".   We are available to them for help, but we do not support their using, disease, or disfunction.  Simply be there when he is ready.  If he has talked with you he knows what the solution is.  When he gets sicker or exhausts himself he will likely come around.  To try to lay down the doctrine to him each day will only exhaust you and drive you two further apart.  Just try to remain healthy poised and ready when he is ready to take action.

Thomas Edison remarked that each time he failed when he tried to invent the lightbulb wasn't really failure.  He said that he had just figured out one more way that it wouldn't work.  Your son may also be figuring out ways that his situation won't work.  Many people after a time finally figure out that their "plan" has failed.  If and when your son wakes up he will need someone that will help him.  This may look like failure...... but there are signs that you are better and that your son has moments where he can be reached.  These are just my speculations.......

My best wishes.....I don't know if you feel any better, but you seem like it to me.  You may find that it continues to improve.  Of course, if and when he is tested I am hoping for a negative.

Best,
Willy

[helpme]

Hi Willy
Hopefully the cold is a memory now and everything is going fine with children.
I've had to develope a spine after I reaffirmed to myself that my son was using me in most instances. He had a mini- explosion last week nothing compared to previous I guess his energy for somethings is waning. He has a bunch of girls that call day and night and I had asked them repeatedly not to call after 11pm and before 9am because there are many nights with this fibromylgia that I don't get a good night s sleep and when I am I don't like to be disturbed.  One of these girls called at 6am and I asked her would she please not call before 9.
She was apologetic however, she told my son" I wasn't aware you couldn't get calls when you wanted to"  I felt that if she was truly sorry she wouldn't have said anything but just refrained from calling when I asked her not to.  My son of course said that I made him feel like he was 16 years old.  I told him if he went to work like he was suppose to he could have enough money to pay his cell phone and receive phone calls every minute of the day if he wanted to.  My daughter suggested that I disconnect the phone at night but I'm one of those people that feel that the day I do that I will get an emergency call from other family members or even my son and won't be available.  My son however had no problem reverting back to 16 when his car was on a flat and needed money to fix it or when his tooth had him in sheer agony for almost 2 weeks and I had to pay for that.  I made him aware that I will never let him suffer physically but he will not use me or talk to me any way yet when he needs help why doesn't he call some of these people that he spends 22 hours a day with.  I also told him If any of his friends tell him I said anything to them that insulted them to know that they are lying, because now I look at the caller id and if its not a number I recogninze I don't answer.
last night he spent more time in the bed than he has in months.  This morning his girlfriend stopped by after work and before my son came down from his room she mentioned that she was under a lot of stress and was thinking of going back to school because her job has new management  and her new supervisor was constantly around her.  So that explains why my son no longer is staying at her job at night.  Maybe he will get more rest now.
I like edison am finding out all the wrong ways of dealing with my son but it is letting me see what the right way to approach him  on some things one day I may get it all right.  But as suggested I am letting him decide when it is that he is going to take control of his life and try to get help.  I do feel better mentally now that I decided that this is his life and he is in charge.

[Willy50]

I know that this is hard....... but you really sound better.

Having course and a path really helps.

So many of his actions and inactions seem to have the effect of being hard on you.  I agree; you are starting to shift his problems back to him.  As an adult he at some point should become responsible for his own dental care.  When people have to pay their own way they have to start taking on adult behaviors too; jobs, appearance, appropriate hours.......  To the extent that he does not have to become responsible for himself he just continues on thinking and acting as a child.

At some point to might want to think about setting rules for living at your house.  He can add a phone line, pay for his next dental bill, etc.  It is a process; kids don't grow up overnight.  Sometimes they need a little help.

One possible scenario is that he may even know that he is clear of the virus.  If you KNEW that he was negative for HIV you might start laying down the law.  He is keeping you at a point where you are afraid to do anything.  You can give him a deadline on getting tested.  Something to think about.  All the medicos you've talked to said that he was negative.  Is there something about not getting retested that is working for him?

Willy

[pancha_villa]

Hi Helpme,
     How are you doing? Iv been worried about you, havent heared from you ,How are things going? and how is your son? I hope you and your family are doing ok ,thinking of you , take care , respectfully ,pancha villa

[helpme]

Hi pancha

thanks for the concern I  have been extra busy.  My son has been having quite a bit of trouble with his teeth.  Yesterday he had a filling put in and the dentist advised against it saying that it probably would be better just to extract that one as it was pretty far gone.  My son insisted that he fill it which he did but about 4 oclock he was in severe pain like I have never seen him in before he usually doesn't complain.  Of course when I callled the dentist he said to  bring him right in so that he could put a sedative against the nerve in his tooth.  My son refused to go saying the doctor just wanted to pull out all of his teeth and he knows why his teeth are suddenly going bad and just won't tell him.  Needless to say it wasn't a good evening.  The dentist just called in two prescriptions.   What I'm interested in knowing is does hiv have an effect on your teeth.  My son has only had one filling in his life and now he's having this problem with cavities. Even though he has NOT gone to get tested yet he seems to feel that this is an indication that he has it.  He said that he is extremely weak and said that he feels that his time is almost up.  I believe that his lack of knowledge about hiv and his refusual to get educated is causing him unnecessary  anguish.  Every cough, itch, or pimple has to related to hiv.

[pancha villa]

Hi,
   Its very hard to give advice,but i can give you my 2 cents,
My youngest  dau, we are just know talking after a year and 3 months, no talking ,no seeing each other,all that time ,and now we are trying to find that area,where we can get along.my point is,none of us know the answers, we just got to seek help from profestionals and hope things change,and sometimes tough love is in order,Maybe its time your son goes and visits the childrens wing for hiv,and see that he is a adult and he has a excellant chance to live a full and happy life,where these babies born with hiv dont have much , but hope and dedicated docters and families who cry everyday just to be healthy to live another day.
Since he is a adult, he should be more mature ,and take the test,.
I would step back,and let him make and pay his own way,since he is making his own choices,he is old enough to realize he should be more respectful towards his parents wishes and concerns,.
especially living under their roof.
I hope he wakes up tom and says , im ready lets do it.but it is up to him,and he has to make the choice.
I hope you have a beautiful christmas, its snowing here, and i hope you find your answers soon,.remember this is only my opnion,i hope i didnt overstep my boundries,.
 p,villa