I know but he doesn't

[helpme]

Thanks pancha,
I appreciate any opinion and no you didn't overstep bounderies.  I am not a sensitive person and I don't take offense at anything  anyone says I realize that everyone has a different spin on things and this is how we learn.  If we all felt the same way how boring would this world be.  Secondly you are on the outside and I am too close to the situation so I need a neutral person's thoughts about the sitiuation. I met my daughter from michigan half way with a group of her friends and their mothers to do some shopping, so I've been up about 18 hours and I'm extremely tired.   Any test results from your daughter?  

[pancha_villa]

Hi help me,
    Merry christmas to you and your family,
    Thanks for answering,
  My daughter  and i have been waiting about a month and a half now on the specialist, to call and see her on her surgery, and i couldnt wait no more and i  got her permission to call,and come to find out,  they just heared from somebody yesterday,and they are waiting on some test results ,that is sitting in her car,at this moment .and then they will see her for the surgery,. my daughter swears she has called them every tuesday, but that is where we are at now,. I will be taking over as of tomarrow,cuz she is getting very mean and her vision is very bad and she wont quit driving,she ran a stop sign in front of a cop and had to pay 95.00 today,.so it is time for mom to watch and assisist in power /medical of attorney,.her headaches are bad,.
well thats my news,hope your situation is getting better, you are in our prayers, pancha villa

[helpme]

Dear Pancha,
I agree with you that its time to assist your daughter with the driving sometimes those tumors affect our vision and we are not aware that we have blind areas. I hope that the wait for test results will soon be over for your daughter the waiting and not knowing is terrible.
sorry that I haven't wrote before now I have my grandchildren until Jan. 3rd  they are 6 and 4 and full of the energy that I wish I had a tenth of.
My son has gotten better as far as the tooth is concerned.  A college buddy of his was shot to death last week and they had his funeral yesterday so he's been pretty quiet. He  has avoided talking about it at all  even though he knows we knew the young man because we saw him almost daily when they were in school.

Hopefully this week you will hear something so that you can go into the new year with less to worry about.  I'm praying for both of you.

[pancha_villa]

Happy New Year Help Me
    Hi,
How are you doing?It sounds like you got a full plate,I have had my fair share of loosing people i love ,So i understand how your son must feel,.I hope he is ok also,.How many grandchildren you have? I would love to have grandchildren , my youngest was pg about 2-3 years ago ,but the baby passed away in her stomach.It was a very hard day for my family.Well i better call that docter , and see where we stand on the surgery.Have a good new years eve,love pancha villa

[helpme]

dear pancha,

I have 2 grandchildren and my oldest daughter said thats all I'll have if its up to her to have any.  I don't think my son will be having any either.

Its been a couple of hours since you wrote me so hopefully you have the news as to when your daughter will have her surgery.  It was around this time of year that I got the news when I would have mine and it was January 17th.

My son is o.k. he's onto another episode in the soap opera he calls his life.  I've decided to LET GO AND LET GOD.  I feel a peace that I really can't explain but it feels good.

Please keep me informed about your daughter I will keep both of you in my prayers.

[pancha_villa]

Hi help me,
  Still no date on surgery,but a appt ,to determine when that will be,.She will be seeing her new docter nuero, and in the same day , his assistant, so he can get all information and assist the specialist in the surgery.That will be the 10 of january, looks like your day of surgery and hers might be running neck to neck.oh if i had grand children, i would be one happy mom I totally understand , how you feel about letting go,It took me 5 years of crying and hoping that my estranged dau would come to her senses and quit running with the gangs and doing drugs,and quit hitting people ,just cuz her dads family thinks that being the badest is the way to go,.But i finally put a stop to it and quit , being hard on my self,.after her sending all the ex relatives to her job and cutting up her trucks tires  and back window for her tags, i told her to quit calling me ,that my life and my daughters life dosent evolve around bad choices and bad people,after about a year of no contact and when my oldest dau found out about her tumor, i got good advice from somebody at the hcv board, i called her and she cried and told me things i needed to hear,she also said she would be happy to go to counsiling with us , so we could rebuild our relationship,. that really blew my mind , so i do believe in tough love, a person can only take so much before ,you finally let go,. and let the person learn for them selves, that is where growth takes place,. and just maybe they see things clearer.We are still taking things one day at a time but i do see progress,. So im sure your son will come around , most males are closer to their mother then any one else, cuz their aint no substitute for the love of a mother,. So keep your head high and know that you are not alone and you will see brighter days,  soon,,,,.  i got to go for now my dau hurt my neck in her driving skills and im not doing so good, so i could only stay up for short periods of time,. happy new year,.   pancha villa

[pancha_villa]

Hi help me , how are you doing?How is your family? I havent talked to you in awhile,I hope you are well and doing great...As for me and mine ,we are much better , my daughter is feeling better as of yesterday, Im so happy , to see her personality back,its been hard but we made it.My youngest is getting married in march and im buying her dress ,geez they are expensive,,,but im happy she is happy and she is even clean of drugs,I think she is pregnant even thou she says she isant,but we will see.well im catching up on my email and the board, so until you write back take care and keep us posted on how you are doing,ok. respectfully , pancha villa

[Help me]

Dear Panca,

So very happy that all is well with your daughter that is proof that God does answer prayer.
I was ok until today I was shopping and there was a hole in the sidewalk that I didn't see I took a terrible fall my elbow and knee's are skinned as well as a spranged ankle but fortunately no broke bones.
My son is up and down with his health as well as emotionally. He hasn't gone to doctor yet but continues to waste so there is do doubt that something is wrong.  He wrote us a two page letter Wed. morning telling us how he feels that he is such a disappointment to us and how he has no hope or inspiration and that he has little energy to go on living.  He says there is a war going on in his brain between the child that he was and the man that he has become.  I'm really at a lost as to what to do because I've tried to get him to see someone for the depression and he refuses. I've called until I don't know what to do trying to get someone to commit him but they say if he isn't trying to hurt me or anyone else there is nothing they can do.?

So I pray.  Also get happiness where I can find it and in other peoples joy.

Thank you so much for letting me know how your daughter is doing. I was pretty anxious the few days that you were missing from the board.

Take care of her I know you will.  Hoping that wedding turns out great keep me posted.  Maybe there is a baby but I'm sure she has her own time to announce it that's probably why she's being secretive. If she is great news!!!

[pancha_villa]

Hi help me
  Im sorry , i didnt mean to worry you , in not coming back right away but i didnt leave the hospital the whole time except once to come home and feed the animals and catch a quick shower,and then i couldnt muster any brain cells to type, i tried but it just didnt work out.
Im sorry you fell, thats usally my department falling down,my ribs still hurt from the last fall. :-/ Get plenty of rest and read a book if you can concentrate.
It does sound as though your son is asking for help,sometimes we just need to be taught how to deal with the depression,.I know i have went down that road many times when i was young and in drugs. How ever i had received help , one day i just gave in and walked in my docters office and said i want to see someone today,!not tomarrow ,not next month now! and since then i realized i never even thought in that way again.I got help and all i needed was some one to listen and not be judged..
Maybe you can go down to the dare program or another program where he can feel comfortable with someone his own age and someone that has been in his shoes and is a role model to this date, maybe a rehab center or a group home can help, a hiv program, or have you given any thought to a intervention on his behalf.
There is a show on channle 41 , i think , its called INTERVENTION , if you can check that out and see if it is something you might be interested in.I strongly believe in that program, but you must know it has to be him who will make the final decision on if he wants help or not, being so he is trying to communitnicate to you on paper their is a strong possibility that he does want help but dosent know how to go about it.Have you given any thought thatt he might be bi-sexual?
Is that something you might be comfortable with?
I hope something in what i have shared does help in some way or another,.I hope and i pray that your son finds his way and soon , I thank you for sharing all that you have shared with me , i know it isant easy, but please hang in there and know that i am here for you ...
I have to close know and cook something for my dau to eat but i will be checking in and out , take care , your friend pancha villa

[help me]

I Pancha;

I wrote to intervention in September of last year have not heard from them perhaps they don't consider Marijuana as a drug that requires intervention.
I would love my son no matter what his sexual preference was his father might have a problem with it however.  My daughter and I had tossed it around on the possibility of him being bi-sexual our conclusion was no.  We even thought maybe he might have had an encounter as an act of rebellion because he knows how strongly his father disapproves of it.  We always go back to NO. He wouldn't even let a doctor do a rectal exam on him when he needed a physical for a job. Back in 1999 around the time we think that he might have contracted this he was jumped by a group of boys at about 2am about 3 blocks from our home a neighbor saw them running away and told him to get in the car and brought him home he was quite despressed after that so we're wondering if it might have been a rape and he isn't telling.  As I said before it wouldn't make me love him any less I might not approve of it but he would never know because I don't want anything to come between us.  
I too hope he soon finds some comfort because my heart goes out to anyone who says they have lived there life and can't remember being happy for a whole week at a time.
How is your daughter coming along I hope each day is better than the one before.  Hopefully she's making up on lost rest.  I saw where she said she was dizzy when trying to use the computer my doctor advised against a lot of reading because of the pressure that had been on the optic nerve until I came for my check up. Also no driving or bending over with my head down.  But as I said that was l990 it might not apply now.  When does she go back for check-up?

[pancha_villa]

Hi help me,
   My dau was not supposed to use the pc but she just had to try , she is gettin back to normal every day , and everyday she finds something that she cannot do, like nintendo games and even watching tv, but i see why it takes 4-6 weeks to recover ,. this week she goes to see her specielist,.The only problem i have with this whole tumur is that she has to be on pain pills,and when they ware off ,it makes her really mean,The doc is bringing her off slowly but i look at pain pills like they are evil..They seem to have a mind of their own, so i will be happy when, she is off of them.
I wish i could wave a wand and cast a spell over your town, and turn things around, but life dosent permit us to do so ,but if i could i would, hang in there and i hope your fall didnt impair you to much,.Have a good sunday. pancha villa

[Willy50]

Help Me.....I'm sorry that your son has not chosen to get help for his ailment.  There certainly is help, no matter what it may be.  I agree....short of having him committed there is little that you can do.  He seems to be playing the victim or the martyr.  We can never undo those things that happened in the past.  No matter how he got whatever he has his solution or non-solution is in today.

I'm sorry that you have to go thru this.  It has to be terrible watching a loved one waste away....and be powerless to change it.

Best,
Willy

[help me]

Willy and Pancha,
Thanks for the words of comfort.  I worry some but not like as first when it consumed my every thought but when I start seeing my body reacting to the stress I realized that I was not benefiting anyone especially myself with that type of stress so I've calmed down.  I want to be here to help my son because I Know the road ahead I don't think he does.
Pancha I would venture to say that the meaness that your daughter is displaying when the pain pills wear off is not towards you but her inability to deal with the pain. Is she on a hormone replacement such as Cortisol or predisone?  Also how did they enter was it transphensudial (the nose)?  I thought of somethings last night that I had to go thru after the surgery but I'll wait until you reply so as not to worry you needlessly. Its just a few things you can do to prevent a problem in the future.  My surgeon introduced me to one of his patients sort of a mentor so that I could ask questions and I really appreciated all the help she gave me but some things happened to me that she had no problems with.
Must go now my son has to go to work and I have to drive him his car is not working.

[pancha_villa]

Hi help me,
   Yes , the docter went through her nose, and as a matter of fact ,i just woke her up to get ready to go the docters in a couple of hours,and she seems to have gotten enough of sleep , she is in a goofy mood,that is a good thing.  I also have alot to do today , so i must get off this computer,. until later , take care , pancha villa

[pancha_villa]

update;
  hi, help me.
We went to see the nuero, surgeon and he released my daughter back to work, she asked to go back to work ,because all she does is work on the computer, she is a bill collecter,.he said for her not to pick up any thing heavy and to not blow her nose and to stay away from dust.and wrote another prescription for pain.so she is off wednesday , she still cant drive for a week, but she is happy. I just thought i'd let you know,.he said it would be months until she starts her period,.when ever the swelling goes all the way down.
Another docters appt, tomarrow , for bloodwork a cortisol level. take care , pancha villa