Where is the support?

[help me]

I'm serious this is no joke.  I haven't slept more than 2 hours a night since my son told me about the claps diagnosis because of the fact he was having unprotected sex.  I need someone to not only view the topic but please say something so that I won't feel like I'm on this earth alone.  I can only discuss this with my husband because he of course is the only one that knows about this.  He's never been one that could be of consolation and right now he's so glad that it was a mistake about him that he's really not feeling my anguish as a mother. this is my only son. please say something

[little_juan]

Hello,
My name is Laura. I just decided to pop on here after visiting our sister site, hcvanonymous..
I don't have HIV, but helped in the process of getting both the HCV and HIV sites forums going.
I'm really glad that I stopped in here tonight, and yet am saddened to see that there still hasn't been too much activity here.
More sorry to see that you are needing help/advice, and are delayed in getting it..

I'm very sorry to hear of your sons diagnosis.
I have several friends who are HIV positive. And, I lost my first born son , will be three years in November..
So... I certainly can understand your concern, as a mom..

From what I'm understanding from your earlier posts, your son has HIV. And you inadvertantly found out as his tests were mixed up with your husbands..
And, I'm also understanding that your son is denying that he has contracted HIV, to you. Is this correct?

I'm not sure what to say here.. Having known so many with illness, and knowing how very personal it all can be, it makes it tough to advise you to push your son into something that he is obviously not ready to talk to you about..
On the other hand, if he is denying his diagnoses to himself, and not seeking out proper treatment options as a result of such denial, then he could well be placing himself, and even possibly others, in a very dangerous position,  which you definitely should be concerned about.

I suppose that if I were in your shoes, I would confront my son with what I know..
It could cause some friction, however, it could also save his life if he has not yet sought out proper medical help.
The current HIV meds, although not without their own side effects, can greatly increase the quality, and longetivity of those suffering from HIV.
Many go on for many years without progression to AIDS as a direct result of early and consistant treatment.
They have meds that can help him with his depression, as well. Which by the way, is a very common side with any chronic illness.

If no one responds to you on this website, please do a search for another HIV support site. There are many on the Internet. And some may be more active than this one. Just type in HIV, as the keyword, and you should be able to pull up a lot of sites. Local hospitals often have information concerning support groups in your area, as well.
It sounds like you, and even possibly your husband, and of course, your son, will be needing a good support system.

I feel your anguish, as a mother... You are not alone..
I encourage you to try your very best to keep yourself strong. You need to eat well, and to rest well. If you fall apart, then you will be less likely to be able to help your child.

I wish you both great strength, and hope, always..

Laura

[help me]

Laura bless you

no my son is not dening it I don't think he has been notified. Once he took the blood test on July 30th no one called or wrote.  they gave him medication right then for the gonorreah but did not follow up.  I believe that he thinks he is o.k.  It was just a coincident that my husband had blood work done on aug 10th for a medical procedure he is to have on the 23rd and when I went to get the results they said he would have to call in because his test were incunclusive he would have to take them again.  When he called the doctor thats when they told him he had tested positive for h.i.v. they wanted to retest him which he did on Monday and got the results back at 11.00  on tuesday that he was fine so we are sure that there must have been a mix up of the iniformation and it was down loaded under my husbands birthdate instead of my son since neither uses sr. or jr.  I am going to talk to him on thursday evening after he gets off of work.  But my heart is so heavy that I have to do this.  I am going to tell him to get retested just to be sure but with his careless behaviour I fear the results.  

Thank you so much for the response and I will check the other sites but now I am going to try to calm down and get some sleep.

[pancha villa]

Dear help me,
      HI HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY? I didnt know this site exsisted, but Im glad i found it ,I m a member over at hcv ann, I believe you recently helped me out ,on a post regarding my dau, health issues, Thank you very much, you are a kind and good mother,    I have a good friend whos son is hiv positive,since he was 17, now he is 26or 27, Any way , i believe he to is not taking his health seriously, in the past he had to survive on the streets turning tricks for money,Which leaves me to my problem with him ,and his not protecting his self from further diseases,and or passing it to unsuspecting people,His mom didnt even want to face the fact that he was gay and we fought over that issue,She didnt want people to know about his status{hiv}either,which i had a problem with that to.I took him to a place specificly for his needs and considering his age , he was in good shape and did not need medicines,except for itching,. I helped him in the clothes department, my daughter worked in a second hand store , so we took care of his clothes needs.  When we talked , he was very forth coming with me about him being gay and we shared stories about how , blood diseases, make people nervous,and how even the closest people treated him like a lepper, which he is not!!!So we shared alot and was becoming close again,  They are getting along and everybody in the household knows he is hiv,and they seem to accept him more,Which is good ,sometimes some people need to be awakened, by good information and a good support system, if your son is young then he is probably scared to death and thinks , he has a death sentence, so he might not understand any of it , it can be really really hard on young folks especially males for some reason..
  You see if he accepts the fact that he is hiv pos, then in realization, he has to deal with it,.... Being scared is terrifing,..And as a mother you know how hard its gonna be for him, And if your hubby dosent pitch in and help , and get educated, then your road can be harder.
counseling  and alot of knowledge would be your first steps, I know its hard ,I dont know his age but ,in my state , you can go to jail, if you knowingly, pass the virus to someone who dosent know,. You can try hanging out with him and try to get him to talk to you or anybody for that matter,men tend to relate to men, so you husband would be the one he might open up to, keep trying but not to much where you scare him away.its really a hard call, my friend, anytime you want to talk , i will be here for you and your family , take care , and hang in there, You are one loving mom,
 pancha villa

[jylvt]

Hi Help me
It takes time and I don't always sleep well worrying about one or another of my kids.
I have a  son who happens also to be gay.  I also have other children and grandchildren.  My son came out 20 or more years ago and  we were so glad that he did not have to hide it anymore.  At Christmas he told us he was HIV positive.  He had also been sick off and on for the last year and recently lost his job.  Scary.  He is now dealing with it the best he can and has a lot of family support.  As a Mom the first thing I tell myself is to pray and find accurate information.  My priest was a huge help and I recognize some aren't.   The second thing is My son is the same person he always was and is of worth and value.  The 3rd thing is there are a lot of worse things that could have happened ie look at Christopher Reeve.   At this time my son is in touch with a local HIV Clinic and is dealing the best he can with all the new changes and transitions in his life.  As are all the rest of us.  Transitions aren't easy but  they are very do-able.  I worry, I cry, I laugh, I get scared, I pray, I love.  I share with a few friends.  My son shares what he wants in his own time, as do I.  I am so thankful for today.  Life for me for years has been to make the most of each day and find the joy in the moment.  I also have a chronic health problem that has led me in a new
exciting direction.  That is my prayer for him.    I just have to take it one step at a time and the rest is up to God.   It is hard when he is sick.  It is harder on him if I keep falling apart. So I keep on moving forward.  It took me awhile to find the right support for me as a Mom/  Good luck

[help me]

Hi Jylvt.
Thank  your for your response I have found much inner peace since I wrote that  cry for help last Aug.
Like you I love my son dearly and what his sexual preference is does not diminish how I feel about him.  My concern in that he lives and have a normal life.  It is is greatest desire to marry and have a child .  I recently recieved information from another site from Bradford at positively positive in that he shared this"individuals infected with HIV can live long lives, have careers, get married, have chldren and more!" [i I copied the whole e-mail and I'm going to share it with my son.
I spent many days worrying about all the things that he might not get to do in his life and I told him tonight it is more important to do the best he can with his life now.
I've learned to pray more and it because of this that I still exist because the trauma of seeing my son wasting aways took its toll on me.  My son has not officially been diagnosed although many may feel that he has and just has not told me but my gut instinct lets me know differently. He's talking my word that something is wrong with him and he can see for hisself that there is but fear prevents him from going to the doctor. You can read the whole story on this site under the subject "I know but he doesn't.
I have the support of God and my daughter that lives with me. My husband seems not to understand the whole thing or maybe he is in denial or just not strong enough to deal with it.
I believe the reason that maybe my son won't get a definate answer or he won't discuss the possiblity with anyone because he fears losing his job as well as his friends,more importantly his girlfriend.  If he confirms it then it will obligate him to tell her.
I agree with you that it is important for us to keep a positive attirude because it seems to effect him if I seem depressed so I try my best to always appear to be upbeat even when he is not feeling good.
Thanks again for the words of encouragement.