Met someone who is positive

[gary smith]

i met someone who is hiv+, and has known for about 2 years.

he told me this after a few dates and before we did anything risky.  

we still haven't had sex, but we have kissed.  i really like him, but i'm scared of starting a relatinoship with someone where ic ould be at risk.

what thoughts do people have about this?  can a negative person have a meaningful relationship with a positive person while still not putting themselves at risk?  i want to care about this person, and i want to be there for him - but what am i getting mysefl into?

[Willy50]

Hi Gary, and welcome to the board.  I'm sorry I haven't answered this sooner.  I don't know if I'm totally qualified to give a great answer.  I don't have HIV.  I do have another disease (HCV), but it is much less so communicable, particularly sexually.  

First, I'd congratulate you on the way that you have handled this, as well as your friend.  I would urge you to "stay the course" and make sure that you are totally sure of what you both want before you engage in higher risk activities.  For instance......working backwards....... condum use; If condums are used correctly they have a reasonably high rate of protection.  However........ if they are used without the proper protocols the risk of transmission jumps.  It all comes down to practices and personalities, I usually say.  I don't know you can hang your hat on any particular percentage if condums are not strictly used as recommended.  I would suggest both of you completely understand their correct use before engaging in sex.  Unfortunately, it is not uncommon that people get serious about HIV transmission protection after they have had a scare.

As I mentioned, I may be a poor choice to receive advice from; I don't have HIV, I'm no expert on it, and I'm straight.  We don't even have a great section on this board on SEX.  I'd suggest checking out THE BODY, AIDSMEDS, or POZCanadian.  I want you to have the best information and advice you can get before further exposing yourself to risk.

There are many ways to have sex that can reduce your risk without engaging in higher risk sex.  I would suggest simply going slow as your research prevention and you assess the relationship itself.  

Thanks for posting and I wish you both happiness, health, and success with your relationship should you decide to go further.  Understanding and adhereing to safe sex practices are imperative to prevent, or minimise transmission risk.  Isn't that what love and friendship is about?

Best wishes,
willy

[lonelyscared]

Gary,

I am a straight female who has a boyfreind who has full blown AIDs. He has had it for 13 yrs. I met him only a yr and a half ago. We have have our problems as do most, but your heart goes where it may. I fell in love with him the 1st night I met him. He told me within the 1st 10 minutes of meeting about his diease. It can be done, you can have a good relationship and love someone  very deeply despite this horrible disease. I know in my mind that the reality is I may lose him at any time you just never know, but I want to make his time happy and full of love if at all possible. Depression is probably the hardest part to deal wiht in my opinion, but I keep holding on and making my way through the issues one day at a time. If you really like this person, yes be careful but don't be afraid to love if that is what's in your heart!