my sister: her life,her way

[Elizabeth R.]

I will warn you this is depressing:
 
I think she is close to the end.  This is what she wants.  she stopped her meds after losing her husband in Feb and stopped the meds in march.  she has been on a terrible decline since then.  her suffering is excruciating to watch.  i know she wants it to end and i want her suffering to be over but i am still holding on to hope.
maybe she will wake up tomorrow and decide to start her meds again.  
or maybe she wont wake up at all and she will finally be at peace.    
she has repeated told us that this is HER life and she will live it HER way.  we have supported her transgendered lifestyle , three husbands, hiv/ aids treatments and non-treatments and now her choice to die.  But his is gut-wrencing.  
i have worked the 12 steps for years now but the powerlessness i feel now is so strange. it is the ultimate powerlessness over death.  

i am sorry for bringing you all down but i just needed to vent.  there are so few people that i can talk to about this that REALLY understand.  you all know that old story about loving someone enough to let them go...
and if they come back....then they really loved you....

well we love her...... enough to let her go................ even though she will never come back.......

Elizabeth

[Lucy]

 ;)Hi Elizabeth! I'm really sorry for your sister. I know how is it hard to handle that all. My daugther has the same disease and sometimes I lose my world. But don't give up! Don't say that she's goind to die! She is alive! Nobody knows how long is her life. Let's try to believe, pls!
Lucy

[Elizabeth]

As i have written in several weeks, I thought about giving you all an update.  My sis is in renal failure at this point.   SHe is baely conscious most of the day.   Last night I spent my evening trying to get her to take a few sips of broth.  SHe hasn't eaten anything in over a week. My mom is 70 and I live about 40 miles away so during the week mom cant get her to eat.  Her eyes are totally filled with blood, hshe has pneumonia,  her thrush is so bad that ...well i wont even describe it.  SOmething is happening to her nervous system because she shakes constantly like she has parkinsons or something??  Just last week, she agreed to finally get some blood drawn to satisfy my mom and then the panic began.

The docs called at started DEMANDING that she get into the hospital right now!!!...  that thru my entire family into FEELING OF THEIR OWN.  THEY want her to go to the hospital, agree to dialysis, meds the whole kit-and-kaboodle.   I am the only one that takes her side and re-iterates her choices...HER LIFE>> HER WAY>>    I know that she doesn't want this .  even thou I hate her decision ,  I SUPPORT HER.  I will fight for her choice til the end.  

But oh God,  this is so hard!!  please pray for me and my family.  Even though I believe in her choice,  It is the hardest thing I have ever done emotionally. We all have no idea while she chooses this suffering but what can we do?  PLease pray for my sister  and for me.

Thanks for listening.I will pray for all of os to have more strenght even thou right now I am pretty angry at GOD.

[Wanting2help]

Hi room, name is Donna

I have a friend that has this dreaded disease and don't really understand it myself.  Can you enlighten me to understand this a little better, what kind of risk I have how I can keep from getting it, any info can help so that I can be a friend to her without the fear

[christine]

hi every body my name is christine and i am hiv posmy heart goes out to elixabethi lost my husbant in 96 and his choice was to die at home with round the clock nurses when needed i was his care taker he stopped meds and went down hill from there thrush was so bad never seen anything like it pain so much pain i will never ever forget i watched the love of my life dissapear befor my eyes was the hardest thing i had to do im raising our 5 kids alone my 13 year old beautiful daughter is all so pos im so scared for her the pain is so scary

[Willy50]

I'm sorry for all that you have gone thru.  I have lost a few friends and aquaintences to AIDS, and have a very close friend that took care of her friend till the very end.  This disease ends up affecting everyone around the infected.

I don't have HIV/ AIDS.  I do have HCV.  At some point I could have to make that same decision on whether to stop treatment.  My own feeling is that I would prefer to go at home.  I would want to leave my family with some of what I had earned instead of spending every last cent on health care and leaving my family in debt.  I am supportive of the infected having their say in their health care.  It is their life, and their choice.  Just my opinion.

My heart goes out to the family of those affected.....

Best,
Willy

[Ben_Monteiro]

Hi, l'm a pozy myself and l can remember when l was first dignosed and could'nt accept that l was HIV+ and that l had 7 more years to live, one Doctor said.l tried sueside a couple of times and survived and now believe that all this is not about death but living.What do l do if l want to live and what aml going to do about it.
Take good care of yourself and pray, my prayers are with you and your family.
Ben.